The most handsome Premier League XI

The most handsome player in the Premier League is a fluid, transitory crown, changing much like the seasons in the United Kingdom. Traditionally, the selection is Olivier Giroud, a man with a twinkle in his eye, a cheeky smile and a beard emulating that of King Leonidas in 300. However, at some point, Olivier could grow his beard too long, or conversely, he could remove it entirely. Moreover, he could mistakenly alter his perfect hairstyle, a move Aguero has done recently, ultimately costing him his place in the handsome starting XI.

Undoubtedly a controversial topic, we have compiled a Premier League Handsome XI.

Manager –Jose Mourinho (The Special One)

The notable bone structure, the all-natural tan, the salt and pepper hair – all features that made the current Spurs coach the world’s first fanciable football manager. These features are still in place after all these years, despite going through a slight wobble during his time at Manchester United (a club that in recent times seems to have a knack of adding 20 years to each of its managers appearance). Mourinho looks to have recovered from the curse, once again resembling the man that Sir Alex Ferguson once described as ‘’Good-looking… he’s got that sort of George Clooney bit in his hair now’.

Formation – 3-4-3

GK- Paulo Gazzaniga

The Spurs squad is bursting with well-crafted gems, with Dele Alli and Jan Vertonghen very notable mentions; however, there is one man who stands out amongst these handsome fellas. This is of course devastatingly handsome back-up goalkeeper Paulo Gazzaniga.

Just take a look at the man on Google images. Good lord.

CB – Tyrone Mings

There is something very graceful about Tyrone Mings. A mountain of a man that seems to glide over the ground beneath him, whilst his short dreadlocks bounce poetically upon his head. Partnered next to VVD, they make not only a formidable partnership, but an extremely good-looking one.

CB – Virgil Van Dijk

“Big Virg”, as Liverpool fans have branded him, has a scarcely believable amount of sex appeal. An imposing figure both on and off the pitch, we think he has a slight resemblance to the much fawned over Jason Momoa (with less rock ‘n roll).

It’s safe to say he’s had quite the glow up since his Celtic days. Nevertheless, have you ever seen VVD with a hair out of place in his tightly-strung man-bun? We haven’t. Welcome to the side Virgil.

CB – Deandre Yedlin

At first, we could not tell if Deandre merely belonged in the “fresh” category of footballers; yet, upon closer inspection, we realised he had a place in our starting XI. He rocks the combination of a skin fade with an eyebrow slit – a feat not to be scoffed at, especially when compared to Phil Foden’s disappointing attempt at the same look. There is something devilishly good-looking about Yedlin,  in a way that your parents probably wouldn’t approve of. Plus, having a first name like Deandre certainly helps his cause.

RM – Ruben Loftus-Cheek

An extremely strong contender for captaincy of this beautiful side, Ruben sports the look that seems to make all girls go weak at the knees… and men for that matter. Well groomed, subtle waves in his hair, a body carved by the gods… the list of his attractive features could be a blog piece in itself. We’re sure that if RLC makes a late push for the England squad, the Lions will gain a lot of new female fans for the Euros based on his looks alone. A real jaw-dropper.

CM – Andre Gomes

Not much justification is needed with this one, as he would almost certainly be a unanimous pick. The look of a well-groomed sommelier at a fantastic restaurant, or the attractive barman found almost everywhere along the coast of the Mediterranean, Gomes is a man you would not let your girlfriend anywhere near, with his accent, classy nature and great stature. He was an easy selection for the XI.

CM – Paul Pogba

A controversial pick. A man who is certainly not everybody’s cup of tea, both on and off the field, but there is no denying that this man takes pride in his appearance, and it shows. The man is just dripping in sauce. He oozes style and his unwavering confidence definitely adds to his already stellar appeal. Plus, how can you not value a man who changes his hair colour every week?

LM – Jack Grealish ©

El Capitan. The easiest selection of them all, and he carries the armband proudly. Zac Efron’s better looking brother leads the Handsome XI out onto the pitch every week. The rugged facial hair compliments his delicately slicked-back hair, every hair exactly where it’s supposed to be at all times, cementing this man’s legendary status amongst the best looking premier league players of all time.

RW – Wilfried Zaha

Look at his cheekbones. They are like two daggers forged at the gates of Valhalla. This facial structure alone earned him a place in this team. Along with his dangerous, brooding stare and impressive trim, Wilf’s unique look is enough to earn him a place in this coveted XI. Oh, and not many people could pull off a neck tattoo, but Wilf is one of the few who can.

ST – Olivier Giroud

The traditional el jefe (the boss). Nowadays, Giroud relies more on reputation than his actual looks. He is certifiably very handsome, this is not in question. Giroud has for years now been the player that always came up trumps in the conversation of best looking players in world football. He is big, he’s French and he has a strong beard. Moreover, he looks as though, at any given point, he could whisper something in your girlfriends ear that would make her leave you for him immediately. However, I can’t put my finger on whether its his lack of playing time or disappearance from the spotlight that has cost him the captaincy of the handsome XI.

LW – Leroy Sane

A player that many would forget to include, the baby-faced, electric winger has become  a forgotten man, what with coming close to a transfer to Bayern Munich this summer and a terribly unfortunate ACL injury that will see him miss almost all of the current season.

Let’s just remind you what Leroy Sane looks like: a genetically modified vision. Sporting an afro or dreadlocks, Sane’s striking features means he is a must in this XI. An unsung hero of the side.

Bench

GK – Rui Patricio

In any other league in the world, Patricio would walk into the best-looking XI, but there is not much one can do when Gazzaniga plays in the same league as you. Sporting a somewhat similar look to Gazzaniga, Rui makes a very suitable back-up, with a ruggedly handsome elder look on show. Moreover, there is a classy, Buffon-esque feel about Rui as well, suggestive of summers drinking wine through the vineyards of Bordeaux, speaking 3 languages and pulling off a classic white-linen shirt look. Kudos to Rui.

RB – Hector Bellerin

Arsenal’s own ‘drip-king’, a man who constantly looks flawless, whether that be in a north London chippy or Paris Fashion Week. He lives his entire life looking like he’s starring in a music video, which we have all pretended to do at some point in our lives. Only he looks much better.

There is some competition between him and Jack Grealish, as to who pulls off the hair flopping-onto-the-cheekbone look best (a term coined just prior to writing this article) , but Jack outdoes him in this respect, meaning Bellerin unfortunately has to settle for a place on the bench.

CB – Fabian Schar

It was a toss up between Fabian Schar and Joao Cancelo as to who made our bench as they are seemingly doppelgängers? However, we have gone with Fabian Schar, with  facial hair being the deciding factor in securing his place over Cancelo. The Swiss, who shares similar but obviously inferior charm to Roger Federer, has cheek-bones that could cut glass and goes under the radar for his classically handsome demeanour. He has rightfully earned a place on the bench of this elite squad.

RM – Todd Cantwell

A potential left-field shout that not all will agree with. Less “boy next door” vibes, more “pre-pubescent baby brother” from Premier League new boy Todd Cantwell. However, a new addition of a headband to his luscious locks and resultantly, a somewhat edgy look, make him a great addition to this squad.

Definitely one to take home to the mother.

ST – Sergio Aguero

Sergio at the peak of his looks was truly a specimen to marvel at. Yet, as mentioned in the introduction, Aguero’s decision to sport a platinum blonde barnet cost him his place in the starting XI, but was certainly was not enough to drop him from the squad all together. A skin-fade melting into a groomed beard is a deadly combination for an Argentinian man, and Sergio rocks it perfectly. Hopefully, we can once again witness Sergio back with his much celebrated look in 2020.

RB/CB – Joel Ward

Now, most of our team so far are unequivocally good-looking and so why not throw in a left-field shout right at the end? Whilst reading the name Joel Ward, one may be thinking: “What?! The average RB who looks like Joe Bloggs? The type of guy  who wears a Kenzo jumper at the Slug & Lettuce on a Friday night?”. Yes, this is an extremely specific example, because it’s exactly what we thought. Yet, look again… look closer. Joel Ward is handsome in an endearing way. He resembles a man who is tough on the outside, yet his soft eyes imply that he has a gooey, emotional centre. Pair that with a surprisingly cheeky grin and he rounds off our side. Apologies to Alexandre Lacazette.